I wish I could say it gets easier. I wish I could say the pain lessens a little bit each year around this day- but I would be lying. It still stings like a fresh wound. Why? Well because not being able to call your Dad or even just give him a big hug on Father’s Day really just “sucks” for lack of a better word.
You want to be out having brunch with him and the rest of the family, not going to a vacant cemetery and sitting by a cold headstone. You want to be doing something exciting with him and making new memories, not digging through old pictures trying to remember the numbered moments you had. You want to be picking out a funny Father’s Day card at your local drugstore to give to him, not buying a sparse bouquet of flowers for the grave. Most importantly, you don’t want anyone’s pity- you simply just want him.
I hate to say it, but nobody truly really realizes how important their Dad is until he’s gone. There’s at least about a hundred things I can think of that my Dad did for me growing up that I totally took for granted. If I could go back in time I would spend a lot more time thanking him for all of the things he did for me and appreciating all of the lessons he taught me. I think it’s only natural to have regrets when it comes to having a loved one pass away, and holidays such as Father’s Day really seem to magnify our lingering feelings of remorse and guilt if we don’t have our person we want to honor here with us. We sit and think about all the things we did or didn’t do, and ways we could have shown more love. We wish we could be given a second chance or even 10 minutes with the person we lost too soon.
I want to acknowledge that Father’s Day can still be a tough day even if your Dad is still alive, maybe you’re mourning a grandfather or somebody who took on the “Dad” role in your life. There’s so many different reasons why Father’s Day can be a hard day for some of us. Just know that if you’re like me and this day is one you dread, you are NOT alone! It’s plain tough.
Throughout the years I’ve done different things to remember and commemorate my Dad for Father’s Day. Even though it’s a crappy emotional day I like to keep myself busy and honor how important he was and still is to me. With that being said, I wanted to share some of the things I’ve done in the past on Father’s Day that have been really meaningful and healing.
- BALLOON SEND OFF– This is something I do every year for all of my loved ones in heaven. Take a piece of paper and write a special note for your loved one, when you’re finished tie the note to a balloon with a piece of string. Release the balloon in a spot that is meaningful to you, and if you don’t have access to helium you can put the balloon in a lake or body of water that will carry it. I’ve found this to be one of the most therapeutic activities for me personally.
- PHOTO MONTAGE– If you follow me on social media you know that I’m always posting old pictures of my loved ones and sharing stories. If you have access to pictures of your Dad (whether it be hard copies or just on your phone) take and arrange them in front of you. Grab someone you feel comfortable talking to and then tell them about what’s going on in the pictures and/or why they’re so meaningful to you. Share stories about your Dad (or the loved one you want to focus on) that make you happy. This activity can be very comforting and bring back memories you maybe forgot about.
- FAVORITE MEAL– My Dad always loved a good medium-rare sirloin steak with garlic potatoes and asparagus, it was by far one of his favorite dinners. I am not the greatest cook by any means, but a couple years ago I made this meal on Father’s Day and shared it with a few close friends. If you don’t know one of your loved ones favorite recipes try asking a family member to see if they remember. Make your own version of the food and invite over whoever you feel like sharing it with. You can take it a step further by packing the food in a picnic bag and going somewhere special if wanted. This is a very simple activity that brought me a lot of joy on a trying day.
- FRUSTRATION RELEASE– Out of all of the activities I’ve done on Father’s Day in the past, this one is hands down by far my favorite. I learned about this at a grief camp that I attended when I was 14. To start off: Go to the grocery store and buy a carton of eggs, and then find either a scrap piece of wood or poster paper. On the scrap wood (or whatever material you choose to use) take a sharpie and write down all of the emotions you feel in regards to Father’s Day and your loved one being gone. This part can be hard mentally and emotionally, but sometimes it actually helps writing your thoughts down. When you’re done writing- go tie what you wrote onto a tree or a fence outside, and bring the carton of eggs with you. Next is the fun part, take and chuck all of the eggs at what you wrote, throw them each one by one. This activity is symbolic of letting go of pent-up emotions we have surrounding certain holidays such as Father’s Day, and its honestly pretty fun. Learning to get your frustrations out in a healthy way is an important coping mechanism to have.
I’m always trying and doing new things to connect with my Dad even though he’s not physically here anymore. If Father’s Day is an emotional day for you as well maybe try breaking out of your comfort zone and trying one of the activities I listed. You may find that doing one of these things actually brings you more peace and comfort than you thought it would.
My ending note will be this: If you do still have a Dad on Father’s Day, cherish him. Make time for him. Put your phone down for the day and go out and spend time with the man who helped raise you to be the person you are today. Ask him about his childhood, have him tell you his favorite stories, and soak in his wisdom. Posting something on social media about how great he is and how much you love him is totally fine, but make sure you’re also telling him those amazing things to his face. These are all things I wish I would have done when I had the chance, you truly never know when you’re going to see somebody for the last time. Make every single second count.
“There was a million things I wanted to say to you, ‘goodbye’ was not one of them.”
